An incident in the Kruger National Park involving me and the wife, a 7 foot long Black mamba and a nice shelf in my vehicle.Oh! and a couple of Snake Rangers.
I did a Self Drive Safari in the Kruger National Park and had just pulled up on a bridge where you can get out of your vehicle and stretch your legs when over the edge came the amazing Black Mamba in the Photo's, I grabbed my camera and dived out of the vehicle to fire of a couple of quick shots before giving the Snake enough room to pass by and return to the safety of the Bush. The Snake however decided to race across the road and seek shelter in my vehicle engine. A quick glance in the vehicle confirmed that my wife was not happy!, I studied my options and despite finding many good reasons for leaving her there I decided I had better get her out, she jumps quite a long way for large woman (just joking darling). After sitting her down, giving her a drink of water and mopping her brow I thought I had better check the inside of the car and close the vents while a local South African phoned the Rangers for me, I was relieved to see it was wall to wall carpets and no way in for Mamby, (the new name for my pet).45 minutes later my wife’s pulse was back to normal but no sign of any Knights in shining Ranger Suits, I made an executive decision to drive back to our camp and park outside, at least I could get a stiff Whiskey there. Needless to say the wife said she was not getting back in there under any circumstances but a well timed right hook sorted that problem out. After 5 or 10 minutes of driving with our feet on the dashboard a ranger vehicle came over the horizon with 2 obviously Knowledgeable but very cautious Zulu Game Warriors who quickly assessed the situation and handed the problem over to A big White Hunter Ranger who heard the commotion on the radio and came to have a laugh, his laugh turned to a gasp when I showed him the size of the problem by way of the "view a 7 foot long Black Mamba that’s just gone in my car engine" facility on the back of my Canon Camera.
His radio crackled into life and I learned a little of the Local Lingo most of which began with F and sounded very similar to English words, I asked for a translation and it went on the lines of "listen I’m f****in well telling you it's an F****ing Mamba, it's as F****ing well as big as they F****ing well get and I bet it's F****ing well very angry". A decision was made to take us 40 kilometers to Letaba Safari Camp where a garage with a ramp was available and a Suited and Booted Snake Ranger was on stand by. I offered to swap vehicles with the White Hunter and said that I would leave the wife with him for company, maybe that was my mistake!, I would not have thought he was frightened of the Snake, anyway, feet back on the dashboard, a left hook at the ready, ear plugs in and I was off to Letaba, in record time I might add, sod the speed limit. Upon arrival my Suited and Booted Snake Rangers took control and impressively grabbed the uninvited guest by the throat and dragged it out the vehicle, I felt duty bound to intervene and explain that the uninvited guest was in fact in the engine and my wife, as strange as it seemed at the time was a welcome travel companion for me. I sat her down gave her a drink, mopped her brow and offered her the left hook I had been saving for the last hour. The Rangers put the vehicle on the ramp and began to action the eviction order. The Snake was spotted by a mechanic against a hole in the grill and I was introduced to a secret weapon, Carb Oil!. Apparently,
Snakes do not like being sprayed with Carb Oil, a little known fact that I can confirm is very true. The mechanic sprayed what he could see of the Snake and, when I say, "all hell broke loose" I mean "all hell broke loose"!!!. The snake set off round the engine, the Rangers were diving in and out from under the vehicle, one lost his goggles, the mechanic fell over a crate of empty beer bottles, the White Hunter was hiding behind the Wife and the noise was quite surprising. After what seemed like a full length feature film of Monty Pythons Flying Circus the snake made a welcome mistake, it dropped its tail out the front of the vehicle!. A little Zulu Mechanic pounced grabbed the tail and pulled the Mamba out of the grill. Now, you might think that was that, but let me tell you that what followed in terms of sheer excitement was on another level. Realizing the length of the snake, the mechanic sussed that his situation was tenuous to say the least, he made a wise decision to keep the fang end well away from the end he was at and proceeded to spin the snake round and round his head!. Now! I have a few business meetings and a Black Mamba tie would go down really well, but a test fitting with this one who I assumed was not a happy chappy was not on my "to do" list. A quick glance around and an assessment of my situation exposed a rather startling fact, I was on my own in a garage with a madman swinging a 7 foot Black Mamba (that kills a man in 5 to 15 minutes) round his head, The Great White Hunter was running down the road followed by a cloud of dust, my wife was thirty yards in front of him, (looking back that was quite amazing)the mechanics had gone on an impromptu tea break, the Suited and Booted Snake Rangers were cowering in the engine compartment and my life flashed in front of my eyes, I did what everybody does in this situation and started writing my will, the usual first line "To my much loved daughter I leave my debts". To my relief the cavalry arrived in the shape of the Suited and Booted Snake Ranger and a mechanic with the secret weapon who to their credit with great skill took control of the situation and apprehended the poor unfortunate creature.
As a footnote to this story I have to say that my wife and I was so upset at bringing all this trauma to a beautiful snake like this Black Mamba that we insisted on going with the Rangers to release him back into the wild which we did and I witnessed him melt back into the bush unharmed but dazed and confused. My wife was not at all as portrayed and was cool calm and collected throughout, we both consider it one of life’s most memorable moments which will stick with us for ever.